People · Making and keeping friends
Making friends as an adult
Adult friendships don't just happen like they did in school; you have to build them on purpose. Join one recurring thing (a class, team, club, volunteer shift or faith group) so you see the same people repeatedly. Reach out to people you already know a little: old classmates, coworkers, neighbors. Be the one who invites, say yes when invited, and expect to suggest plans a few times before you can tell if someone's interested. Then keep it going: show up, listen, follow through, check in between meetups.
What to know
- Start with people you already know a little: people you've worked with or taken classes with, old friends, people you enjoyed at a party, neighbors and family. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Join something that meets regularly around an interest: a club, a community class, a gym class, a volunteer shift or a faith community's newcomer events. Shared interests make strong links. Source: Mayo ClinicCDC
- Use more than one way to meet people. The more you try, the easier it gets and the more likely you are to succeed. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Make the first move. Invite someone you'd like to know better for coffee or lunch. Ask a mutual friend to connect you if that's easier. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Say yes to invitations, then return the invite. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Keep at it. Reach out instead of waiting, and expect to suggest plans a few times before you can tell whether someone wants to hang out. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Turn acquaintances into friends with time. See new friends often and check in between meetups. It feels awkward at first and gets easier. Source: Mayo Clinic
Being a good friend
- Be kind. Mayo Clinic compares friendship to an emotional bank account: kindness is a deposit. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Listen. Ask what's going on in their life, and don't give advice unless they ask. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Open up about yourself. Sharing builds closeness. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Be trustworthy: show up on time, do what you say, keep private things private. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Give and take. Offer help, and ask for it even when it's hard. Source: CDC
- Deal with conflict or hurt feelings when they come up. Source: CDC
Texts to copy
After meeting someone: "Hey, it was fun talking at [event]. I'm going to [thing] on Saturday, want to come?"
Reconnecting: "Hey! I was just thinking about [shared memory]. How are you? Want to grab food sometime this week?"
Keeping it going: "I'm heading to [class/game/park] again Thursday. Same time?"
If it doesn't work
- Nervous about meeting new people? Try deep breathing or other relaxation techniques before you go, rather than staying home. Source: Mayo Clinic
- Feeling disconnected, lonely or stressed for a long stretch? Talk with a professional who can help. Source: CDC See Finding a therapist you can afford.
- Just moved and don't know anyone? Search your city or neighborhood plus "meetups" or "social," and try a few events. Source: Mayo Clinic
Good to know
Quality over quantity
How good your friendships are counts more than how many you have. Close friends who mean a lot to you do more for your sense of self than a broad network. Source: Mayo Clinic
It's a health issue
The CDC says adults who often feel lonely are more than twice as likely to develop depression, and poor social connection raises the risk of heart disease by 29% and stroke by 32%. Source: CDCHHS
What connection gives you
People with meaningful social connections report less stress, better sleep, and longer, healthier lives. Source: CDC
Why it's harder now
Work, caregiving, moving and changing interests all make adult friendships harder, which is why it takes deliberate effort. Source: Mayo Clinic
Sources
- Mayo Clinic Friendships: enrich your life and improve your health
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Improving social connectedness
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Surgeon General's advisory on social connection
Lesson R2.1 · Last checked October 2, 2026 against the sources listed.
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