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Living with roommates

Most roommate fights are about the same few things: sleep, noise, guests, cleaning, food and money. Talk about them in the first week, write down what you agree on, and bring up problems early, in person.

Easy1 hour to set upFree

You'll need

  • Your roommates, at a time when nobody's rushed
  • A written roommate agreement, or a free template

What to know

  1. Get to know each other's schedules. Early classes, late shifts and sleep habits matter more than whether you like the same music (University of Colorado Boulder).
  2. Talk through the big topics and write down what you agree on: study time and quiet hours, bedtimes, guests, cleaning, trash, shared food, using each other's stuff, and what happens if something breaks (Rutgers).
  3. Ask before you borrow anything, including food, clothes and toiletries. Give a heads-up about guests or a weekend away (University of Colorado Boulder).
  4. Bring up problems early, ideally within 48 to 72 hours, before things get heated (George Mason University). Do it face to face, not by text or sticky note (University of Colorado Boulder).
  5. Use "I" statements: "I feel…," "I need…" Listen without interrupting, then repeat back what you heard (George Mason University).
  6. Look for a trade. Most fixes involve each person giving something and getting something (George Mason University).
Watch out. Don't try to settle it while either of you is angry. It's OK to take a break and agree to talk again in 24 hours (George Mason University).

If it doesn't work

  • Living on campus and stuck? Resident assistants are often trained to mediate. Ask yours for help and go back to your agreement (George Mason University).
  • Living off campus? Some colleges help with conflicts whether you live on or off campus (University of Colorado Boulder). A written agreement helps here too.
  • Feel unsafe? That's not a roommate disagreement. Call 911 in an emergency, and see Right now for help lines.

Good to know

Put money in the agreement

Roommate agreements commonly cover shared expenses (George Mason University), like cleaning supplies and shared groceries (Rutgers). Write down who pays what, and by when.

Questions worth asking

Rutgers' roommate agreement asks things like: Where will we store food? Who empties the trash, and how often? When are guests OK? (Rutgers)

Sources

  1. University of Colorado Boulder Key tips for living with roommates
  2. George Mason University Roommate agreement and conflict resolution
  3. Rutgers University Roommate agreements

Lesson H1.7 · Last checked October 2, 2026 against the sources listed. See a mistake?