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Character & Mind

Cooling down before you respond

When you're angry, pause before you speak or hit send. Breathe slowly, take a walk, then say what you need in an "I" statement.

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What to know

  1. Stop before you say anything. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts (Mayo Clinic).
  2. Breathe deeply from your belly and repeat a calm word or phrase like "take it easy" (APA).
  3. If it's building, step away and move: a brisk walk helps (Mayo Clinic).
  4. Swap "never" and "always" for accurate words. They make anger feel justified and push people away (APA).
  5. When you're calm, use an "I" statement: "I'm upset that..." instead of "You never..." (Mayo Clinic).
Watch out. "Letting it all out" doesn't help. Research cited by the APA found it escalates anger (APA).

If it doesn't work

  • Anger keeps getting out of control or hurting people around you? Mayo Clinic says that's the time to seek help (Mayo Clinic).
  • The APA says counseling can help a very angry person move toward a middle range in about 8 to 10 weeks (APA).
  • Same fight keeps happening at the same time of day? Change when you talk about hard things.

Good to know

Anger is normal

Anger is a normal, usually healthy emotion. The goal is to control your reaction (APA).

Focus on the fix

Work on resolving the issue instead of dwelling on what made you mad (Mayo Clinic).

Humor, not sarcasm

Humor can ease tension, but sarcasm makes things worse (Mayo Clinic).

Sources

  1. American Psychological Association Control anger before it controls you
  2. Mayo Clinic Anger management: 10 tips
  3. National Institute of Mental Health I'm so stressed out! fact sheet

Lesson C6.2 · Last checked October 2, 2026 against the sources listed. See a mistake?